Thursday, January 31, 2008

What if you can't get along?

What if you simply can not get along with your ex but you still have to see them and communicate with them on a regular basis?

Mom's advice is still the best "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all".

Eliminate the snide comments. They really aren't helpful. If you must point out your ex's flaws and failures buy a notebook and write it in there. Your ex already knows how you feel you don't need to keep sharing it.

On the flip side try complimenting your ex. It can disarm them very effectively.

If you end up arguing or worse using abusive language or even use violent behavior then use a facility such as a Safety Center for the exchange of the children. This way you don't need to see your ex at all. Usually these places are used by people with restraining orders but they can be used by anyone as long as both parties agree. There is usually a fee involved and it isn't always in a convenient location but it can make pick ups and drop offs much more peaceful for you and your ex and especially your kids.

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Blogger Metro said...

Great advice. I've definitely found that if you step out of the ring altogether there is no one there for them to argue with. This took months, maybe more than a year, to accomplish with my ex. She could be very insistent on arguing and would often find new and create ways to anger me- going for the comments that hurt the most. However, over time, by not participating, I taught her how to treat me and that anger, resentment, vindictiveness, and name-calling would get her nowhere. Thanks again for the post and the link to!

February 6, 2008 at 5:59 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Is divorceddads yours?

February 6, 2008 at 7:05 PM  
Blogger Mister-M said...

Or go low-contact and start moving towards parallel parenting.

A lot of heartache and headache can be avoided if you just do what you can to avoid one another.

February 28, 2008 at 12:29 PM  

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